Jong Il dead

Ding, dong, the silly little man is dead.

ˈded

“Mistah Kurtz, he dead.”

“He’s dead, Jim.”

I couldn’t think of a cuter, cuddlier oppressor than this one. From his personal downing of passenger jets, to his over-sized glasses, Saddam’s mustache had nothing on this tubby little ball of Korean butter. Even the way he looked at things was cute.

Perhaps his fate as “Cutest Dictator Ever” was sealed when the creators of South Park immortalized him in their film Team America  in which a remarkably accurate marionette version of Jong sings a soliloquy entitled “I’m So Ronery.”

He was a cute guy, that much is for sure, but I’m glad he’s dead. I’ll leave you with a short example of how evil this little human was. It was reported by Britain’s The Independent that in 1989, while getting ready for the World Festival of Youth and Students, Jong’s government handed out pamphlets to Pyongyang residents advertising a wonder-drug that would make short people grow taller. Residents who responded to the advertisement were rounded up and shipped to remote islands, never to be seen again.

I can imagine Jong’s personal hell – one of these islands full of short, pissed-off exiles. Or perhaps, Jong is resting peacefully in Kijong-Dong, the DMZ’s dummy city built to resemble a state-of-the-art paradise so South Koreans would be enticed to defect. Problem is, nobody lives there – and the lights turn on and off automatically.

On second thought, maybe he shipped short folks off to die so he’d have someone shorter than himself to order around in the afterlife.

So long, little fella! May the prophets watch over your chubby cheeks.